Radical Self-Acceptance with Wally Bressler

Wally Bressler hit rock bottom and ended up in federal prison. He was honest enough to own up to the pain and lack of self-acceptance that got him there, and this was ultimately his path to freedom and happiness. 

In this episode, Wally teaches how to eliminate the victim mentality, which he describes as the root of our suffering. Stick around as Wally shares an exercise to help you pull up the roots of any unhappiness – with just a single note card.

Here are some power takeaways from today’s conversation: 

• What is radical acceptance?

• The importance of being transparent with yourself

• The four quadrants of the Johari window

• Isolation versus common humanity

• How to get feedback from others

• Finding gratitude in recovery

• The power of unconditional love

[03:27] What is Radical Acceptance?

You may have made a lot of decisions you’re not proud of, and as you go through those moments where you’re experiencing pain, at some point, you'll have to accept it and take responsibility for it. You have to be willing enough to be transparent with yourself and other people. You’ve got to be willing enough to be transparent with yourself, and as you accept your feelings, and they become apparent, you can then start working on them. 

[21:28] The Power of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion means giving yourself the same compassion you would offer to somebody else. In Kristin Neff’s book, Self-Compassion, she cites the three elements of self-compassion, one of them is common humanity. The reason we isolate ourselves is because of shame. But once you learn to engage in common humanity and you start talking to people who have gone through what you’ve gone through, with similar emotions of shame and guilt, that can be so freeing. Then you realize you’re not the only one going through that.

[29:44] The Power of Unconditional Love

The reason that unconditional love is the highest form of happiness and peace is that it's rooted in acceptance. Unconditional love means you accept somebody exactly as they are where they're staying with nothing to change. If you don't accept somebody for who they are, then there's no reason to keep them in your life. But if you're going to have a happy, peaceful, loving relationship with yourself and somebody else, and you want to get unconditional love, that means you accept all their goodness and faults.

Notable quotes:

[03:39] Where a lot of that pain comes from... is not accepting it and not owning it. [03:45]

[21:28] Self-compassion is basically you giving yourself the same compassion you would offer to somebody else.  [21:33]

[29:44] The reason that unconditional love is the highest form of happiness and peace is… it's rooted in acceptance. [29:49]

Resources Mentioned: 

Trigger Sales System

Tragic Hero by Wally Bressler

Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

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About the Guest 

Wally Bressler is a coach, speaker, and founder of the Trigger Sales System. Wally is also the author of the book, Tragic Hero, which emphasizes the importance of dismantling the victim mentality.